Difficult Radon situation - advice needed
Elizabeth
last year
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Elizabeth
last yearRelated Discussions
Difficult ex-wife- a different situation
Comments (11)I agree with what Cat said. I've been with my DH for 5.5 years, and we got married this past September. He has a 6 year old son, I have a 6 year old daughter. My DH's ex sounds very similar to your DH's ex. I can tell you it really is an up and down battle, a roller coaster ride, and I think the best you can do is protect yourself emotionally and set clear boundaries. I went through the years where I wasn't "allowed" to go to birthday parties or soccer games or Christmas programs and it was awful. Then DH started standing up for me and insisting that I be present, but BM (bio-mom) would do the same things you are describing. At one YMCA Christmas program when my SS was 3 years old, his mom told me and DH (thank GOD the kids were out of ear shot) that if I so much as LOOKED at her, she was going to "claw my eyes out." I really think she would have. Things have been constantly up and down. She would start being nicer to me and I would think we turned the corner, but then for no apparent reason she would flip out again and the drama would start all over. I finally, finally had to end all communication with her. I sadly have not attended any of SS's soccer games this fall because I refuse to put myself in a situation where I will be verbally abused or berated or insulted. As of right now, we do things with SS when he is with us (karate) and BM doesn't attend---so he hasn't noticed so much that I am "absent" from soccer because BM isn't at karate when he's with us. It is sad that my relationship with him is "limited" due to BM's personality, but--like I said--there are things I just won't tolerate. I can take the nasty looks or silent treatment, but no one will be verbally abusive and rude to me. It sounds like your BF is supportive and that's good. One thing to really be wary of is a man that just wants to "keep the peace." My husband ws like that for a long time (as in allowing BM to forbid me from attending events) and I finally had to say either stick up for US or I'm out... It certainly won't be an easy road, but I think you can do it. In some ways, it helps that the kids are older and more able to see the situation clearly, although I do think they will always "protect" their mom. That's natural. My SS was not even 2 when I started dating his dad, and his mom TRASHED me to him from the get-go. So he and I had a very rough road. It was really sad because you could (and still can) see the guilt/torment on his face, wanting to like/love me, but feeling like he was being disloyal to his mom by doing so. His mom still tells him, to this day, that he doesn't have to listen to me because I'm not his mom, and other such things...SIGH. Luckily, he is very intuitive and has matured a lot over the last few months and is becoming more certain about the fact that he does love me. He recently told his mom (while I was out of town) that he loved me and missed me and didn't care if that made her mad--WOW! She guilitiy reported this to my DH and the counselor. I tihnk the more you can do to not let BM get to you, the better. Some counseling for you and your boyfriend, if he's willing, is not a bad idea....just to figure out how to navigate these waters!...See MoreRadiation and Radon in Granite - Letter I sent to State
Comments (101)Mindstorm, I want to thank you for your extremely informative and important post -- and the time I know it took to hammer it together. I am completely uninvolved, since I don't like granite for aesthetic reasons and have none in my home, but I really appreciate hearing someone inject a little actual empirical knowledge into this discussion. Your explanation of the "bowl test" was particularly helpful, namely that it's actually a cumulative measure over the time collected, and not a reflection of the emissions at any given snapshot in time. I understand that folks are suspicious of the EPA, but honestly, if the California EPA, one of the most kneejerk institutions around, says that granite countertops do not emit enough to be of concern, I'd go with that. Nobody is "desperately trying to shut up" Debs3. Folks are just telling her that if (despite any empiric evidence) she feels her granite countertops are a danger to her, she should absolutely remove them and select a different countertop material instead. Either that, or simply install a radon amelioration mechanism, which would be the solution in any case! It's not terribly expensive. How difficult is that to achieve peace of mind?...See MoreA difficult situation and need advice
Comments (38)Losing a father is really hard. Sending you a hug. As for the will, your father should have been given a copy of it. You may have to phone your father's lawyer or phone the lawyers in your father's area to find out about the will. I don't know if there is a central registry for wills or not. Since your father has a mortgage on the house, the lawyer's name will be on that and perhaps that is the same lawyer that your father also used to do the will. The deed for the house is at the registry office too and that will have the name of the lawyer on it too. The government will pay some of the cost up to $2500 and the funeral home has those applications and will fill it out for you. I agree, get extra copies of the death certificate. The funeral home will give you extra copies if you run out. When my Mom died, she was cremated, but we had a Celebration of Life instead and took all of her artist friends out to lunch. Both of us lived in another city from our Mom and this was the perfect solution. Since our Mom wasn't religious, it was what she would have wanted instead of a service. Take time to recover emotionally before tackling the difficult tasks. Most things can wait for a bit....See MoreNeed help with the 'protocol' of handling this situation
Comments (34)OP here again, with the update Firstly, Elmer, I asked opinions from 'anonymous' people, because DH's background can help them crunch numbers. But we were ignorant about any 'protocol' that might be breached, regarding involving his manager. In any case, SIL did speak with his manager yesterday. His manager did not know the details and was wondering what was happening. SIL told him the terms of the offer, explaining his concerns. His manager did feel the starting salary offered to SIL probably couldn't be negotiated any higher. But he addressed SIL's concern of the slow housing market, possibly meaning the risk of having to pay 2 mortgages simultaneously. He agreed that HR should be more flexible regarding the terms of relocation, as the company has never moved an employee from that city before. (That was the main issue SIL pushed with HR, but to no avail.) SIL's manager mentioned again that he selected him, as he feels SIL is the best candidate for the job. He told him that he cannot personally override HR's offer, but can 'put a bug in their ear.' He urged SIL to not contact HR to turn down the offer, and to not back down on the negotiating. SIL got a call from his manager this morning, asking if he'd heard from HR yet. SIL hadn't, but got a call within the hour. It seems the 'miracle' I assumed was a long shot, occurred. HR said they would extend a 'slight salary adjustment' and agree to pay his mortgage if his house isn't sold by the time the rental provision expires. SIL was happy with that, and will sign the Letter of Offer! SIL has no idea what his manager may have said or done behind the scenes, (since he insisted he couldn't override HR's offer.) But the last call SIL got from HR was suddenly amenable to further negotiation. I wouldn't have asked here, if SIL should speak to his manager, if he planned to accept the position and was just trying to sweeten the deal. I believe bosses don't normally get involved in the negotiation process. But because SIL was going to turn down a promotion that his manager had specifically offered to him, I wondered if this would fall outside standard 'protocol.' I'm glad I did ask for opinions here, as it seems SIL's manager 'putting a bug' in HR's ear, may have made the difference. DD and family are now looking forward to their move. Thank you for your input!...See MoreGN Builders L.L.C
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