This is a red flag to me: > could they be planted just a foot or two from the fence, growing only out away from it? If this is a solid fence, like stockade or board, there's a significant "rain shadow" effect that you'll need to consider. IMHO, it's almost impossible to grow anything within 2 or 3 feet of a solid fence, unless you're willing and able to provide most of the moisture yourself - and that's a lot of water. I have such a fence, and wasted a lot of cash (3 times) trying to establish rows of holly, cedar, and, finally, magnolia (M. virginiana, in my case). When I finally gave up on crowding the plants against the fence, acknowledged that this privacy screen was a very important aspect of my yard, and set aside enough space for it to do it properly, I succeeded on the 4th try, by planting everything centered at least 5' from the fence. I still had to irrigate and mulch, but it was a much more reasonable amount of water. Last, I'd be very careful placing any hollies anywhere near a pool, except ones with smooth leaves. You've only got to step on a dry leaf with bare feet once to remember it for a very long time.

Thanks for the replies. However I am doubtful it is any of the ones mentioned. Definitely not an iceplant which at least has foliage year round. I might be wrong and maybe it is a type of poppy after all, but I don't think it is the California poppy which seem to be bigger and flowers way longer. The flower shape seems to be more like a poppy than a daisy (but I must say I have terrible vision). I will try and get a picture if I can. Some patches are pure (yellow or orange only) but you can always see mixed patches in the same vicinity. The flowers are very dense and its almost hard to notice the foliage.

I've had cats all my life, too, and I currently have five. Even tho it's been a year for Amy, and that seems like a long time, given all that's happened in her little life, as well as in the other cats' lives, I'd just give it more time and I think they'll work it out. One of my cats, a rescue, that I've had for years, is still making progress in not being scared and being around everyone. A couple of my cats still spit spat from time to time. I yell "NO" to them also, and they get it. Another cat that I adopted is a big male that was my neighbors' cat. Before I adopted him, he used to come over and chase my girls (other four cats) around. Even after many years, he still occasionally chases the littlest girl sometimes; but for the most part, he's stopped chasing. I brought two dogs into the household two years ago, and I still see the relationships b/t the dogs and the cats evolving. Even with my pigs (yes, I have potbellies), their relationship seemed to evolve into a more friendly one over time. IMHO, animals, like us, have different personalities and, therefore, interact differently at different times, depending on their moods, energy levels, etc. That's one of the things I like about having multiple cats, is that they hang out with each other at different times. It's been really interesting to see their relationships develop. Cali may be trying to assert herself as dominant, and once she feels that's accomplished, back off a bit. There still may be some jealousy involved. Amy is still very young. I think that they all have to understand that YOU are the boss and you are the dominant one. I really like Lukki's idea above. If it is a territorial issue, they will see that you are in control, not them. Good luck, Betsy

Thanks for posting out in the main forum, I wish that other thread would go away forever... The baby is asleep, so I'll go through bit by bit until I get tired or the baby wakes up. "my stepdaughter has ADD, a really hard case," I came into my stepson's life when he was 8. He has very severe ADHD, ODD and may be bipolar; I think he may also have an auditory processing disorder. 8yos with ADD are tough, but I swear it gets better! "y wife and I both get really impatient but I notice that my wife is very easy going with her" ADD also requires ENDLESS patience. It's really difficult. But one key is to pick your battles. If they're able to hold a pleasant conversation, but have to be hopping on one foot and holding a spatula to do it, well... "the girl is pretty much of a big liar, fights with her little brother a lot, has some pretty rough games with her barbies and other toys," With lying and fighting, ADD kids don't have the foresight or hindsight to see the possible outcomes of their action. Their brains are absolutely hell-bent on instant gratification, and our job as their loving adults is to help them learn the skills of foresight and hindsight. "never cleans or organizes her bedroom, she's a very dirty girl, barely eats and whatever she eats she takes stuff out of the food/plate, but she gets tons of toys from everyone and everyone believes in her lies and all" Hygiene issues are probably best dealt with by mom... But, does she actually KNOW how to keep herself clean? My SS is 12 now and we're still telling him "Wash your hands. With soap. Sing Happy Birthday. Make sure you get your nails, between your fingers, and your wrists too, instead of just the fronts and backs!" When he was 9 and I had to talk to him about HOW to wipe his bum because he honestly didn't know how. "and I consider her a tomboy and honestly everything she does pisses me off," Does being a tomboy matter? I think I'll be grateful if my 1yo DD prefers trucks to high heels at age 8! "and to make things worse, she looks eeeexactly like her dad, the guy is a complete ass*** and both are exactly the same, the guy also has ADD, and physically, both look very alike." This one you just have to get over. She can't control who her dad is. "I really try my best to get along with her, give her advises, etc, I just really try my best, but for she misbehaves terrible every single day, without exageration," If you're open to how change in your family can begin with YOU, I can give you about a million ideas, coping strategies, tips and tools. But, if you are really honest with yourself, are you ready to change? It's OK if you're not ready - it's human to resist change, and you can come back to this when you do feel ready. "there's never been a day that she's behaved perfect, even at school, her school teachers can't stand her, so we took her to a psychologist and a child psychiatrist and she's on a med to make her just focus and be calmed," Back the truck up! Meds don't MAKE kids focus and be calm. Meds facilitate the KID's own ability to focus and be calm. Honestly, my SS can be unpleasant to be around without his meds too. But it's HIM being pleasant with his meds, not his meds being pleasant. I know I sound totally pedantic about semantics here, but it honestly does matter - it's a mindshift about how you approach your family. Can you start smaller for her? How about aiming for a good ten-minute drive to Grandma's house? Then a good supper? Then a good HOUR? Then a good afternoon? The ADD child's brain can't handle the abstract concept of "being good" for the incredibly long period of "an entire day." I'll elaborate if you're open. "but when she's not medicated, noone can stand her, my wife although she's easy on her, can't stand her much but she doesn't know that I've grown to hate this girl." There have been times where I've felt little to no LIKE for my SS. And there are times when loving him is hard. He can make me totally crazy. I sometimes feel like he's a disruption to my nice little nuclear family. I sometimes feel like he's being a jacka$$ to spite me. But he's a kid and he needs to be loved. If I expect the worst, he will give the worst. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. So every day, I get up and choose to love my SS. It took me a long time to get back there though (we started off well, took a bad turn, and are good now). "I feel terrible for that but I don't know what else to do, am I just hysteric? is it because I'm not the real dad?" It IS harder to love a child that isn't yours. Honestly, I don't love SS in the same way I love DD. But your SD needs her own niche in your heart. You're not hysteric or crazy or evil. You sound as if you're at your wits' end though and are pretty desperate. "I pretty much took over this family since my wife used to have a crappy life with her ex and the level these kids are at right now was pretty much an upgrade," I'm glad you were able to help with the status of the family! That shows that there's hope! "and I'm always a nice guy most of the time, but I telecommute and feel like resigning to it and going back to the office cause the kids never listen to me," Would it help? Would the issues still exist when you came home from the office? Would it be worse? Would it be a solution or just an escape? "their mom, although tells them to listen to me, they barely do or only listen to me when it provides them some type of benefit, so if I tell them to pick up their clothes and take it to the laundry room, ask me back if they do. They never go to bed on time, even my wife tells them to go to bed a thousand times and never do, we send'em to bed from 8 pm and it's 11 pm and they are still around, it's pretty stressful," Well, that's the first issue! Coparents need to be on the same page. Mom needs to step up and say "Wait a minute! I'm the mom and my family will treat one another with respect." And then she needs to make the expectations 100% clear to the kids, and STICK with it. If you and your wife are up to it, this forum can certainly help you. But it's a real commitment. "even with the food, we buy tons of food for the whole month and they pretty much consume even my stuff, so they don't have the lunch their served but take everything behind our backs, cookies, cheese, juice, coca cola (I wish they tool a tomatoe instead, haha)" We give my SS a container each week with his junk food in it. That's what he gets for the week. End of story. If he eats it all in 24 hours, well, tough cookies for the next six days. We made this clear to him and he's usually fairly able to abide by it. Also, just don't buy what you don't want them to eat! "so anyways, I don't have any kids of my own, I just took this torch and became their dad, the guy is not the best father figure either way and these kids got so used for what it seems, to their new way of life at a much better house, car ride and stuff, instead of what their real dad gives them, bus ride, guy lives with his mother, didn't even finish high school." Please try not to say anything disparaging about their dad to them. It's great that you're trying to be a good dad to them, but they may feel torn. They may want to be kind to you, but feel like their betraying their dad who's down on his luck, KWIM? Anyhow, if you're willing to make major changes, I'm willing to use my tiny scraps of free time to help you!